I only look like a soccer mom...

I am queer. I a married to a cis-gendered man, and we're busy raising a pretty magical and crazy very soon to be four year old. I am femme. Sometimes, those things make me feel invisible to the community I most identify with.

Let me preface this by saying that I have the most wonderful friends who know all of these things, don't care, and love me, regardless.

But, the rest of the world only sees the lady in a dress, with a grown man on one arm, and a little one on the other. Unless I shaved my head, I am never going to 'look' queer, no matter how one does that, without being on the arm
of someone else who 'looks' queer. This frustrates me like you would not believe.

I know that femme-invisibility has long been a problem. I know that I am not the first queer chick to fall in love, get married to a dude, and have a baby. I know I'm not the first person to find my community after doing all of these things, but it sure feels like it.

Casey and I have an open marriage, meaning, for us, we date outside of our primary relationship. He dates women, sometimes straight, sometimes not so much. I date people. Sometimes, I date men. Sometimes, I date women. Sometimes, I date people who identify as trans, gender queer or anywhere along that line. Like I said, I date people.

These days, I am primarily interested in dating women. This can be a very frustrating endeavor, to say the least. I don't look like I fit in. I have a wedding ring on my finger, and my answer to what I do is "stay at home mom." I feel like I am automatically discounted as a dating encounter due to all of these factors.

Needless to say, I am willing to provide the information for someone to know I am all of these things, yet totally open to dating, and then I sit back and wait for them. Dating me is hard and I don't want someone to think they're getting some other sort of deal. Often, this means I don't date. I used to (before Casey) be aggressive in the dating scene, but not so much anymore.

I honestly don't know where I'm trying to go with this. I guess this is more of a vent, and a plea that you don't discount the 'straight' girl out at the gay bar as just that. You never do know...